This year also contains an unexpected surprise.  I take that back; something will happen this year that I didn’t think would occur for at least another year or two.  On October 30, 2011, I will be ordained a Baptist minister through Peace Haven Baptist church.  I’ve already assembled my ordination council and the service is coming together nicely.

Also, Angela and I will be moving in our first house!  Technically, it isn’t “our” house per se; it still belongs to Regina Keener but she is letting us live there RENT FREE until we move in the summer of 2012 to wherever we go next.  That event begins in mid-October.  We get to do whatever we want with the house, as long as we take care of her dogs.  How lucky are we?  I still can’t believe this is happening.

So yes…much is on my plate this year.  It will be a great year, even if things don’t go as planned.  I believe I will discern more about myself and my calling this year than any year thus far in my short life.

Oh, and College football starts today.  Wake plays at Syracuse tonight.  GO DEACS! (please don’t get slaughtered).

You are probably asking yourself, “Wait…5 at at time?  Counting him and a female chaperone?  That means only 3 kids are going from their group!  HOW SAD!”  OK, the last part is me but that is the subject of this post.  When I tell people I am a youth minister or that I am taking some kids to camp, their immediate response is usually, “How many youth do you have/how many are going?”  My response is always the same: the most youth kids we have at PHBC is 4.  And you know what?  I like it that way.  We had a youth group yard sale fundraiser to raise money for camp about a month ago and a woman asked me that question: how many are going to camp?  I told her and she got a concerned scowl on her face and apologized.  ”I’m sorry…that is a small number.”  I told her that I like all of our kids and am grateful for each of them.

What I WANTED to say was that I felt sorry for her because she had been raised to believe that bigger is always better.  I wanted to tell her that I was sorry her entire life was defined by how much or how many.  I also wanted to tell her that I was sorry she never got to be a part of something as intimate and relationship based as my current youth group.  I am not saying that we are super awesome or different from any group out there, but we know one another very well.  I am closer with these 4 kids than I have been with any other group and do you know why?  Because I don’t have to play cattle wrangler when we are together.  They listen to me and I listen to them.

This “question” happens more than I like to realize.  A week or so ago at a social gathering, I told someone I knew about going to camp and he asked (SURPRISE!) “How many people are you taking to camp?”  When I told him, he smugly said, “Well you make my 30 kids not sound so bad.”  My relationship with this person can be tenuous at times but he didn’t mean any harm.  In fact, I doubt he had a second thought about but I understand his position.  Two years ago before I took this job, I would have been hesitant/fearful to work with a group this small…for the very reasons I am hesitant to do it now.  The people at Peace Haven understand that I am doing all that I can and that 4 kids is wayyyyyy better than 0, but it still gets to me sometimes.

Yet as I progress through Divinity School and in my time here at PHBC, I am reminded of one of my philosophies of youth ministry: 1 or 2 kids ready and willing to listen is better then 30 who just want to hang-out or play video games.  I live and die by this phrase.  I structure everything in my work around it and don’t get me wrong, 30 kids would be great, but only if they were ready and willing to participate in an actual discussion and not play grab-butt all night.

This is more of a rant than anything else, but there is a point: bigger doesn’t always mean better.  More is sometimes less and less is often more.  Often kids in groups of 50+ members barely know one another, or cliques form, or high school style feuds evolve that require multiple sessions of group counseling to squelch.  You folks can have all that.  I will take my kids any day of the week over that mess.  I am always open to more and bigger groups, but not simply for the purpose of having more.  If we are going to grow, we are going to GROW spiritually and then maybe numerically; if that doesn’t happen, I won’t sweat it.  I will love each kid in my group no matter if they are 3 of 4 or 4 of 400.  That is my purpose as a youth minister and I am constantly doing my best to fulfill that.

So what does this mean? I don’t know nor do I really care. Frankly I am indifferent…but it is something that helps me get through each day or another paper or another chunk of studying. I often feel like Ian running myself ragged or at least headed towards an untimely early death due to stress…but these songs, these silly songs; they remind me of what my Hebrew professor Fred Horton said about being called to ministry: “I didn’t ever really feel a call. Only when I looked back on things did I ever realize that was where I was supposed to be at the time.” Perhaps that is what this music does: it grounds me and reminds me of my past while pushing me past the menial present and into my hopeful future. Because that is what I am working for, right? I don’t study or work or make sacrifices for now…I do it for the future. That is a song I cannot wait to remember (cue final fantasy music).

So what does this mean? I don’t know nor do I really care. Frankly I am indifferent…but it is something that helps me get through each day or another paper or another chunk of studying. I often feel like Ian running myself ragged or at least headed towards an untimely early death due to stress…but these songs, these silly songs; they remind me of what my Hebrew professor Fred Horton said about being called to ministry: “I didn’t ever really feel a call. Only when I looked back on things did I ever realize that was where Jews supposed to be at the time.” Perhaps that is what this music does: it grounds me and reminds me of my past while pushing me past the menial present and into my hopeful future. Because that is what I am working for, right? I don’t study or work or make sacrifices for now…I do it for the future. That is a song I cannot wait to remember (cue final fantasy music).

My wife assembled an incredibly efficient day and everything but… What does raising money have to do with the kingdom? What would Jesus say about using the $2000+ to send my kids to camp? Would he care for or Against? Or would he blabber on Aramic?

I actually like being here twice a week outside of my usual Sunday and Wednesday requirements.  It reminds me that this church has something going on all the time.  The phone rings constantly (sometimes with telemarketers…blah) and some one or some thing is in need of attention.  Thankfully many people here care about the church and do whatever it takes to make it happen.

That is thing about churches: no one really gets any credit for anything.  Tom, our “go-to-guy,” does anything and everything you could imagine.  He balances the books and finances.  He does general maintenance.  He takes out the trash and the recycling and so much more.  His wife Diane does just as much (if not more) including playing the piano on Sundays and making sure Wednesday evening activities run smoothly.

Tom and Diane are two of the many people who keep the doors open and the gears rolling.  But they aren’t getting any younger, nor is anyone here, which is a quandary facing countless churches all over the country.  The leaders of the church are aging but few if any people are stepping up to replace them.

So the question is quite simple: when the current leaders are gone, who will keep the lights on?  Who will unlock the doors?  Who will even attend?

This is a brief post, but it will be one of many about getting ready to apply to PhD programs.  On the one hand, I am dreading this test because I know how important it is to my further grad school hopes.  On the other, I am excited to prepare for it because I know it is the first step towards making those dreams a reality.  I also have multiple factors pulling my in divergent directions.  I wouldn’t really mind/care about getting an MA after my MDiv because hey, it’s school and I love school.  However, I am feeling twinges of wanting to start a family (and so is Angela ).  I know the more course work that stands between me and my dissertation, the longer we have to wait on children.  I don’t want to put that off more than we have too (we aren’t ready right now, that is for sure!) but I also want to finish my course work so I can be the best father/husband I can be.  I guess that is one of my biggest fears: not being able to do my best.  A lot of thing have to fall in line over the next year, and June 4 is the first.  I know I can take it again, but doing well on June 4 would change my summer for the better.

All I can do is study and prepare myself.  The clock is ticking.

I recently found out that they had interviewed a very strong candidate: out-going, passionate, energized, eager to lead and invigorate an aging congregation…but she/he lacked senior pastoral experience.  Her biggest con was whether or not she/he could lead a staff of three and run a church.

So here is my issue.  At what point does a progressive church look past business-minded “risk management” and renew its prophetic voice in the local community?  When do they take the risk and tell Charlotte and the rest of the state that they will do what it takes to ensure that their community remains a voice of dissent, change, and opposition to cultural norms?

It is a tough situation but it is one worth discussing.  CBF National and CBFNC are always talking about “affirming” women and saying, LOOKING AT US!!! WOMEN CAN PREACH!!! ENVY US!!!  Yet less than 10% of CBF National and CBFNC pastors are women.  At what point does a church rise above the fray and buck the trend?  When do they set the bar and dare others to follow?

That my friends is prophecy.